Lost Memories
by Gilbert Lysander
Summary: It is about a week from Oz's Coming of Age Ceremony and Gilbert slowly begins to remember what took place all those years ago. The hatred, the betrayal, the blood shed, the tears, and everything that took place in Sablier.


**A/N: Yay~! New story time! :D Well I go kind of bored and came up with this idea sometime ago. Oh yeah, this is pre-abyss so Oz and Gil are about...14 and it's in Gil's pov. I don't own anything in this fic, except for my own ideas of course~ XD Spoliers for the latest chapters o.o  
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><p>I smiled to myself as I watched the trees slowly pass by the carriage. Turning my eyes away from the window, I looked at everybody inside the carriage. Master Oscar was asleep and snoring rather loudly, there was a huge and goofy grin plastered on his sleeping face, I giggled a little. The man must be having a good dream. I looked to the left to see Miss Ada standing on the seat as she looked outside, her small cat was resting on top of her head. I never liked cats, I would usually cry in fear whenever I saw one, it was a quirk of mine. Shaking my head, I turned to the right to see Young Master Oz clutching the pillow anxiously. He looked at me and gave a huge, bright smile. I smiled back at him.<p>

"Aren't you excited Gil?" he asked giddily. I nodded.

"I'm a bit nervous actually. I've never been outside the estate before." He clapped a hand on my back and laughed. Since I started working at as the Young Master's personal servant I never left the estate. I didn't mind never leaving, the manor was my home and I usually had so many chores to do, so it was better that I stayed.

"Don't worry! Hey Gil, as soon as we get to the mansion let's go look around!" he exclaimed. "They said that this mansion was built before the Tragedy of Sablier." Young Master looked out the window and swung his legs excitedly. "I can't wait to get there!"

I smiled to myself. It was great to see the young master this excited about something that didn't involve scaring me with cats. Especially after...no! I shouldn't think about that, it was in the past and as Master Oz said, he was alright and moved on. I wonder though...

What was my family like? I didn't ever remember anything since they found me, I'd rather keep it that way. But still, I wonder...if I had family...

_Why did they throw me away?_

A warm hand placed itself on my shoulder and snapped me out of my daze. "Y-yes?" I asked. I mentally scolded myself for the cracked voice.

"Are you alright Gil?" I was confused, however I then realized that a single tear was running down my face. I hurriedly wiped it away, he patted my back lightly. "Is something wrong?" I blushed a little at his concern.

"No, I'm fine," Master Oz frowned. "I'm just feeling a little nostalgic. That's all," I explained as I tried my best to smile.

We had finally arrived at the mansion after the long carriage ride. Master Oscar climbed out first, helping Miss Ada down, I climbed out after the young master and stretched my stiff limbs. I was about to go over to the other servants and help unload everybody's belonging, but it was as if my mind had other plans.

I didn't know why, but instead of going to help the other servants, I went in the exact opposite direction and walked toward the mansion. At first, I was walking towards it, but then broke into an sprint. The others were probably calling for me, but I couldn't hear then. I could hear voices, but they weren't from the staff or the others.

"Master!" That voice...Was that, my voice? I looked in front of me to see what looked like an image of myself when I was probably five or six. There was another boy there too, but he didn't seem familiar. I watched and saw that I was running to...A large, warm hand was placed on my head. I looked up and felt tears stream down my face.

"Welcome home, Gilbert." My eyes widened as the man slowly faded away. Who was this man?

"Wait!" I shouted as I tried to grab his coat, but he faded away completely along with the other boy and my younger self. My chest felt tight, my head throbbed, my eyes were creating a river, and it was getting harder to breathe. I fell to my knees and did all I could to not scream and wail like a child. The others were running towards me, I could hear them calling. Then everything, went black.

I groaned as my eyes slowly opened. I couldn't seen anything, all I knew was that I was moved onto a bed. How long was I unconscious? Carefully, I got out of the bed and tried to feel for the door. I shivered a little, the floor was cold and I wasn't wearing socks or shoes. I needed some fresh air, this room was too stuffy. I sighed as I finally found the door knob and twisted it. I walked out and jumped at a loud clap of thunder. The hallway lit up for a brief moment before darkening again. It was already the middle of the night...

"It's late," I sighed as I turned around to go back into the room.

_"Where are you?" _I gasped and looked behind me to see my younger self again. Without thinking, I followed him. He was scared and in a panic. _"Master! Master!"_ What's going on? I kept running behind him as he called for his master.

I...I already have a master...Who am I looking for?Another clap of thunder. However, this wasn't just a hallway anymore. Dead bodies lay on the floor, fresh blood stained the walls, the smell of smoke and rotting corpses filled the air, I was about to run away. This was bad. So many things filled my head it felt as if my head would burst from all these things...these memories."I don't...I don't want to remember..." I whispered while stumbling towards a door.

My younger self was there as well, he was peeking through a small space between the double doors. Despair painted his face as he threw both doors open and run in. _"Why are they fighting? ! Please stop it!" _

_"DON'T COME ANY CLOSER GILBERT! !"_ I ran in there as well and gasped. Everything, seemed to slow down as I watched myself get slashed across my back. Tear were running down my eyes, I bit my lip to keep from screaming.

_"Don't worry Glen...A wound like that...Isn't enough to kill your kind." _I panted as I backed toward the doorway, there was the faint sound of the other staff coming to see what was going on. I ignored it though, this...this was too much.

"Stop it..."

_"So Glen..."_ Stop... _"Why don't you lower that sword_..." Please, don't...I don't... _"Before I kill..." _Stop it Stop it Stop it Stop it Stop it Stop it Stop it Stop it Stop it Stop it Stop it!_ "your cute little servant..."_

"STOP IIIIIIIIT! ! !" I screamed. Another clap of thunder and lightening lit up the room. The images were gone, but at that spot...The discrete stain on the floor...It was marked with blood...

**My blood...**

I kept wailing and screaming. This can't be right! I'm not...That's not me! I'm not dead! This person...Those men... "I..." I hate it... "I don't..." This smell... "Please stop..." The nostalgia that had always been haunting me... "I..."

**THIS IS A LIE! !  
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**"I DON'T WANT TO REMEMBER! ! !" **

By this time, the other staff had made their way to me and found me on the floor clutching my head and shrieking. They had tried to calm me down, but I only kept thrashing and trying to run away from them. I didn't see the other servants, all I saw were dead bodies that were ready to drag me down into the Abyss.

"Gil!" I heard Master Oz yell. I fled the dead bodies and rushed over to him, but...no, that's not...

_"Before I kill your cute little servant..."_ I saw his face. I can't even see Oz. I stopped running, but why...? This person was hugging me... What's going on? He pulled away and instead of a normal face, I saw the shapeless horror of a broken doll and heard a raven beckoning me.

What is my sin?

I screamed again and pushed it away. I have to be dreaming! This can't be anything more than a nightmare! I don't want this. I don't want my memories! All I want...

"Just let me forget..." I cried and shrank against a wall. I covered my ears and continued to cry, I don't want this. "I just want to forget..." I shut my eyes tightly and sobbed a little quieter. "Let me forget..."

_"What do you want to forget?"_ This voice sounded familiar. A warmth embraced me, but I couldn't see. _"What is that you want to forget?"_ I relaxed a little into the embrace.

"Everything," I said. "I'm afraid...I don't want to remember...I don't want to know...Why I was born..." Their grip tightened on me a little.

"Alright then." Oz? "But Gil...Can you please...Open your eyes?" I nodded as he removed my hands from my ears, slowly I opened my eyes. The dead bodies were gone, the smell was gone, and that man was gone. Everything was normal. Young Master hugged me again, I hugged back and cried a little. He rubbed small comforting circles on my back as he comforted me. "Ssh, it's alright. Let it out, let it out." I kept crying, I didn't want to remember. I just want to leave my past alone.

"Young Master," I whispered.

"Yeah Gil?"

"I'm sorry." He gripped my shirt.

"It's alright."

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><p><strong>An: Yaaaaay~! I'm done! :D** **I feel so bad that I made Gil go through all that! Dx Oh well owo;;; I'll try to make a happier fic next time! XD  
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